Life is a collection of a million, billion moments, tiny little moments and choices, like a handful of luminous, glowing pearl. But even that football player or that singer is living a life made up of more than that one moment. Some people have them, in a sense, when they win the Heisman or become the next American Idol. The Big Moment, unfortunately, is an urban myth. I was ready for it and believed that the rest of my life would fade into the background, and that my big moment would carry me through life like a lifeboat. John Lennon once said, “Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans.” For me, life is what was happening while I was busy waiting for my big moment. I had visions of life as an adventure, a thing to be celebrated and experienced, but all I was doing was going to work and coming home, and that wasn’t what it looked like in the movies. I cry and cry at these movies, because I am still waiting for my own big moment. I have always wanted this movie-worthy event, something that will change everything and grab me out of this waiting game into the whirlwind in front of me. I love movies about “The Big Moment” – the game or the performance or the wedding day or the record deal, the stories that split time with that key event, and everything is reframed, before it and after it, because it has changed everything. I am waiting for that time, that person, that event when my life will finally begin. My life is passing, day by day, and I am waiting for it to start. For twenty years, literally, I have waited to become the thin version of myself, because that’s when life will really begin.Īnd through all that waiting, here I am. Then the married person, then the person I’d become when we have kids. In college, the post-college “adult” person was always looming in front of me, smarter, stronger, more organized. In high school, I was biding my time until I could become the college version of myself, the one my mind could see so clearly. Waiting to become something else, waiting to be that person I always thought I was on the verge of becoming, waiting for that life I thought I would have. “I have always, essentially, been waiting.
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